The world's worst television shows

Before I begin, I must admit that this post is really centered around tv shows here in the United States. I cannot say that I have seen too many shows from other countries, but I am very confident that my choices for the two worst tv shows in the world would rank high on everybody's list of things to avoid watching.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, allow me to announce the first of my two choices. The Wiggles is one of the most ridiculous shows on tv. If you don't know what it is, the show airs on Nick, Jr and is, of course, geared towards children. The show is centered around a "band" from Australia that is composed of four grown men named Sam, Murray, Jeff, and Anthony. These guys dress up in all sorts of outfits and sing songs in very high-pitched voices. They pretend to be on pirate ships, on golf courses, and in the pool, among other things, and always sing about how happy they are (or, in contrast, how the giant shark in the ocean is a big fat meanie). I am aware that television shows for children are meant to be on the silly side and that complex plots are not to be expected, but this show goes overboard. To watch these four, thirty(ish) year old men prance around in flamboyant costumes and sing as if they really mean what they say, is simply mind blowing. I really hope that they get paid a great deal of money, because the mere idea that they degrade themselves in that manner out of the pure goodness of their hearts makes me a little bit sick.

Second on my list is a show that I know all of you have seen at least once. Most Extreme Elimination Challenge, which now airs on SpikeTV, is one of the most annoying things I have come across in my entire life. Sure, the show is a tiny bit funny the first time you see it, but this is mainly due to how incredibly ridiculous the entire concept is. Ok, I admit that the show has pulled a few chuckles from me, but honestly, how many times can one watch an adult attempt to jump over a Styrofoam fish over a pool of oil? Shows like this really exemplify the words of H. L. Mencken, "Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public." The fact that this show can keep thousands upon thousands of people entertained day in and day out speaks volumes about how truly starved for culture much of us are. If any of you really do like this show, please engage in some sort of pain inducing practice each time you are tempted to turn on the tv. I promise, it is for your own good.

The world's worst inventions

I woke up this morning at 8:15am as usual. I then grabbed my towel, shampoo, and room key and made the long trek down to the showers. After finishing with that, I came back to my room, and as per my normal routine, put some deodorant on, got dressed, fixed--in the most loose sense of the word--my hair, and was ready to brush my teeth. I picked up my toothbrush, ran some water, let said water heat up, got my toothbrush wet, and picked up my tube of minty flavored toothpaste. Instead of easily moving on with the next step, I was met by a most frustrating problem. The cap on my toothpaste would not budge from its place. No amount of twisting would help. I actually had to run some very hot water over the cap for several minutes until the hardened goo would loosen.

Now, pardon my asking, but who had the brilliant idea to put screw caps onto toothpaste tubes?! As nearly everybody who brushes their teeth with any regularity knows, there is no avoiding the occasional spill over after putting toothpaste on one's toothbrush. In the case of flip-cap tubes, this is not so much a problem. Even if any of the stuff dries and hardens, a flip-cap can easily be reopened. Not so with a screw cap! No sir. With each day of spillage, excess toothpaste gets worked into every single thread in the cap, and by the time you have been oh-so-hygienically brushing your teeth for a month, the cap has a death grip on your toothpaste tube. At 8:30am (or, God forbid, earlier!), the last thing one wants to do is wrestle with an inanimate object. It just isn't a fun thing to do. Therefore, screw-on toothpaste caps qualify, in my book, as the worst invention of all time.

If you noticed, the title of this post is "The world's worst inventions". (Notice the plural form of the noun "invention".) I would not leave you hanging with only one moronic invention, wondering why I had added an "s" to the end of a perfectly good word. So, what is this other "worst" invention? Roll-up projector screens! Who the hell came up with that idea? (I am, of course, speaking of the manual roll-up screens, not the automated one. The person who came up with those is alright in my book.) I can just imagine the roll-up projector screen inventor making his pitch to some office supply company. "So, the basic idea is, you hang a big white piece of paper in front of a wall. Then, you roll it up, around a dowel. How do you get it down? I'm glad you asked. You simply pull it down. And, how do you get it back up? Easy! Just pull it down! Sounds counter intuitive, doesn't it? I promise, it works great!"

In all honesty, I think that the person who came up with that brilliant idea was just looking for a way to completely embarrass young students who were already nervous enough, having to go up to the board and write something. Add in a five minute attempt at rolling up the projector screen, and you have a therapy session waiting to happen.

The excruciatingly sad thing here is that the inventors of both things are raking in tons and tons of dough. I guess, though, that even they are made to suffer through the use of these things.