Your daily dose of Edd, Part VIII

"They were all straight thuggin' it."

Ah, yes. Here we have Edd's favorite phrase, "straight thuggin' it." He says this all the time. It comes up in a conversation somewhat like this:

Edd - Man, we got so much work today.
Me - Yeah?
Edd - Yep. I've been straight thuggin' it all year, and now I have all this work to do. It's just not righteous.

"Thuggin' it," you see, is the act of completely slacking off in school. By not doing your assigned homework, you are thuggin'. By not paying attention in class, you are thuggin'. Apparently, too, according to Edd, if one has been thuggin', it is not fair for a teacher to assign a bunch of work. Yes. That's right. Work of any sort should not be assigned in school. One should be able to slack off all year round. (This, I assume, is the reason that Edd is currently failing two classes.)

Your daily dose of Edd, Part VII

I've decided that I don't like the new dictionary-esque format for the daily dose. It just doesn't look good. So, I'm going back to the old format.

"One guy would get rattle snaked and then it's all over."

Here we have yet another example of how Edd manages to use nouns in place of verbs. At one point a few weeks ago, we were talking about video games that we used to play back in the days of Windows 3.1. Games such as Chip's Challenge, Ski Free, and Rodent's Revenge all came up. If you haven't guessed already, the above phrase was used in regards to the oh-so-universally-played Oregon Trail. Yes. You know it well. Everyone, I think, has played the game, and the fear of Dysentery is one to which we all can relate.

We were discussing the various ways in which one could lose the game, when the "demise-inducing" (you get two Eddisms today!) rattle snakes came up. You would be minding your own business, only a river crossing away from completing the game when the pesky reptiles would move in for the kill. Your mom would get bitten first. You'd bury her, be sad, but move on. You'd think, "I've already had to endure one snake bite. They can't be coming around again any time soon." Of course, this was an ignorant thought. They'd always come back. The game was over.

Now, most normal English speakers would describe this sort of chain of events somewhat like, "One passenger would get bitten by a rattle snake and then they would attack in droves. The game would be lost at that point." Edd, however, prefers to utilize a far more simplistic version of English. "One guy would get rattle snaked and then it's all over."

*I am aware of the fact that "snaked" is a verb. However, when used as Edd does, the application is not correct. To use the verb correctly, one must use it in a sentence like, "He snaked his way through the garden." A rattle snake cannot "snake" someone. Therefore, it is not possible for a rattle snake to have "snaked" a person.

Your daily dose of Edd, Part VI

Edd, as you know, has a habit of using nouns in the place of verbs. He normally does this by adding "ed" or "ing" to the end of a perfectly good noun. Today's Eddism--err, dose--is just such a word. He used this for the first time last night in his explanation of where his Pop-Tarts had been hidden.

     drawered [drawr ed] -
        nivc. The act of being (forcibly) placed in a drawer; to have hidden something in a drawer.

(Note - "nivc" means "noun in verb's clothing.")

Your daily dose of Edd, Part V

I am going to try a slightly different format for today's dose. Instead of the usual phrase, then context, then discussion, you will get a sort of dictionary entry. (This will be quite convenient if you are keeping a dictionary entitled The English Language, Edd Style.) If you don't like it, I'll go back to the old version, but for now--at least for this week--I am going to stick with this new form.

Today I'll be introducing you to a term that has (luckily) found its way out of Edd's vocabulary. For a time, though, it was uttered at least twenty-five times a day. The term is "tool silencer," and it requires two definitions. The first, "tool," is a common slang term that the Urban Dictionary defines as:

     tool [tool] -
        n. A poser; someone who does things simply to show off.

Now that you understand that, here is the meaning of the oh-so-annoying term "tool silencer" as according to Edd:

     tool silencer [tool sahy-luh n-ser] -
        n. A piece of music (usually played by a guitarist) that reveals to the tools in the audience how much they suck.

Yes. He really did use that term to describe pieces of music. Apparently The Barber of Seville arranged for two guitars is a huge tool silencer. Who would've thought.

Your daily dose of Edd, Part IV

"Man, I'm straight hungry. You want to roll dinner style?"

This is one of the most prevalent phrases in Edd's vocabulary. He says this at about 4:45pm each afternoon to one of his guitar buddies when he wants to go get some dinner in the cafeteria. There are only two kinds of occasions in which I won't hear this. The first is when Edd is at home. The second is when he goes out to eat dinner.

Now, what gets me the most about this phrase is the "dinner style" part of it. Edd makes it his mission to use the word "style" in conjunction with every other word known (or unknown) to the English language. As you saw two days ago, it works with the word "bell," and he has been heard to say such things as "homework style," "sparknotes style," and even "Swedish fish style." In fact, I think that Edd manages to work "style" (not in any good sense of the word) into his vocabulary even more than the word "straight." To give you a clear understanding of how often he really does use the word, allow me to present you with an analogy. "Style" is to Edd's vocabulary as "like" is to Valspeak. (Yes, "Valspeak" is really a word. I looked it up. You should too if you don't know what it means. You're welcome for enlightening you.)

Your daily dose of Edd, Part III

"Man, yo! That guy's a bomb-ass flutist!"

This one here is hot of the presses! The first time I heard Edd utter this phrase was around 10:45pm last night as I was busy working on some homework for Music Lit. We were having a conversation about how well a flutist had performed earlier in the day, when Edd tried to convince us that an incoming conductor (who is a former flute player) is a far better flutist than the current flute teacher. To help the case of this incoming guy, Edd claimed that he was a "bomb-ass flutist."

Now, I really cannot comment on the technical qualities of a particular flute player, as I don't listen to flute music all that often (honestly, it sort of makes my head hurt--same goes for all wind music). But, come on! Bomb-ass?! Wouldn't a simple, "he's awesome!" suffice? One of Edd's fortes, I have discovered, is an annoying, albeit creative, use of descriptive phrases. There is never a short supply of quirky ways to describe a person's good or bad qualities. These types of phrases come in a constant stream whenever some sort of video game is being played (especially if it is an online multiplayer first-person shooter). When Edd most likely gets on his computer tonight to play Day of Defeat or Mario, I'll be sure to make note of a few such phrases and present you with them tomorrow.

Your daily dose of Edd, Part II

"Hey man. We should dirty ride bell style!"

This phrase, or a variation thereof, pops up in Edd's vocabulary at least twice a week. He will say this at around 11:30am when he is getting hungry and wants to go get some food off campus.

First thing to note here are the words "dirty ride". As nearly anyone who has attended a boarding school knows, there are relatively strict (and annoying) rules as to when, how, and with whom one is allowed to leave campus. Here at NCSA, one must sign out with the front desk any time he or she is planning on leaving campus, and must sign back in within two hours of the expected return time. When leaving campus in a car, problems arise all the time. If the driver does not have their full license, the staff here will not allow more than one person to ride in the car (even if said driver has a license without a passenger restriction). Also, if the driver is not on a list that your parents have provided, the staff has to call your parents to get permission for you to leave in a car. These rules cause much in the way of delay and many times, students prefer to just leave campus in a car without signing out. The phrase "dirty ride" was coined by Edd to mean just that--riding in a car off campus without permission (sorry to disappoint, no sexual connotation at all). To indicate where my roommate would like to eat while in the act of "dirty riding", he adds the name of a restaurant, followed by the word "style".

In the case of the above quote, Edd is indicating that he would like to ride in a car without permission and go get some food from Taco Bell. A very wonderful use of language, isn't it? (Please note the marked sardonicism.)

Your daily dose of Edd, Part I

Welcome to your first daily dose of Edd! I will, in all likelihood, be posting something my roommate says every day (hence the "daily" in "your daily dose of Edd"). The posts will be organized as such:

1) Quote from Edd.
2) Context in which said quote was (or can be) used.
3) Why I find the quote to be so annoying or ridiculous.

Are you ready? Well, grab a glass of water, and prepare to take your prescribed dosage of Edd! (Please do not consume on an empty stomach. Your daily dose of Edd should not be taken with alcohol. Take at most one dose a day. Not recommended for children two or younger.)

"Dude! He straight demised my shit! No way!"

While playing Mario Kart 64 on his computer the other day, Edd was commenting on how treacherous one particular portion of the course was. He explained that the area in question was surely to be one's demise, even going so far as to name the ravine "demiseville". The trouble spot was easily avoided by Edd during lap one, and was narrowly avoided on lap two. Going into the third lap, Edd was in a great position to win the race (and the Star Cup!). Knowing that Yoshi was on his tail, Edd was extremely careful whilst navigating each turn, but lost focus for just a moment as "demiseville" approached. Seizing the opportunity to strike, Yoshi bumped into Edd--he was playing as Toad--and knocked him into the ravine. Oh, no! At this point, the race was lost, and Edd exclaimed the above quote in his utter frustration.

I chose this quotation from the oh-so-wise Edd in order to best describe how he uses nouns instead of verbs on any possible occasion. (We won't get to his overwhelming usage of the word "straight" today.) I've never met a person who can completely ignore the laws of grammar as thoroughly as my roommate does. He frequently uses phrases such as, "Man, we should dinner it." For some reason, however, when he yelled that a video game character had "demised his shit," I could not contain my laughter. (Of course, I told him that I was laughing at how unfair the situation was). Can you imagine if everyone spoke as he does? What would happen to such great words as run, eat, jump, scream, lose, fight, play, drink, etcetera? A language void of verbs would be on par with ice cream absent any carbs. Sure, it sounds like a good idea. Try eating that ice cream though, and telling me that it is not just overpriced ice. Really. Go ahead.

(Yes. I now know that I am no great craftsman of metaphors.)