Your daily dose of Edd, Part I

Welcome to your first daily dose of Edd! I will, in all likelihood, be posting something my roommate says every day (hence the "daily" in "your daily dose of Edd"). The posts will be organized as such:

1) Quote from Edd.
2) Context in which said quote was (or can be) used.
3) Why I find the quote to be so annoying or ridiculous.

Are you ready? Well, grab a glass of water, and prepare to take your prescribed dosage of Edd! (Please do not consume on an empty stomach. Your daily dose of Edd should not be taken with alcohol. Take at most one dose a day. Not recommended for children two or younger.)

"Dude! He straight demised my shit! No way!"

While playing Mario Kart 64 on his computer the other day, Edd was commenting on how treacherous one particular portion of the course was. He explained that the area in question was surely to be one's demise, even going so far as to name the ravine "demiseville". The trouble spot was easily avoided by Edd during lap one, and was narrowly avoided on lap two. Going into the third lap, Edd was in a great position to win the race (and the Star Cup!). Knowing that Yoshi was on his tail, Edd was extremely careful whilst navigating each turn, but lost focus for just a moment as "demiseville" approached. Seizing the opportunity to strike, Yoshi bumped into Edd--he was playing as Toad--and knocked him into the ravine. Oh, no! At this point, the race was lost, and Edd exclaimed the above quote in his utter frustration.

I chose this quotation from the oh-so-wise Edd in order to best describe how he uses nouns instead of verbs on any possible occasion. (We won't get to his overwhelming usage of the word "straight" today.) I've never met a person who can completely ignore the laws of grammar as thoroughly as my roommate does. He frequently uses phrases such as, "Man, we should dinner it." For some reason, however, when he yelled that a video game character had "demised his shit," I could not contain my laughter. (Of course, I told him that I was laughing at how unfair the situation was). Can you imagine if everyone spoke as he does? What would happen to such great words as run, eat, jump, scream, lose, fight, play, drink, etcetera? A language void of verbs would be on par with ice cream absent any carbs. Sure, it sounds like a good idea. Try eating that ice cream though, and telling me that it is not just overpriced ice. Really. Go ahead.

(Yes. I now know that I am no great craftsman of metaphors.)